God's timing...

So tonight I decided to "bite the bullet" and hauled myself off to EBC... ...and boy am I glad I did. Since the beginning of the year I've been wanting to go there for the evening services but have pulled out for various reasons and lame excuses. So this past week I decided that I'm going. Sometimes I have to tell myself I'm doing something long in advance, and, as the week went on I found myself trying to "get out of it"... ..I mean, it wasn't like anyone knew and could hold me accountable or point a finger at me if I didn't, but anyway.


So I woke up this morning irritated... ...for various reasons. My day simply seemed to get worse after waking up and by this afternoon I knew I needed a time out cause I had simply run out of a fuse and was going to blow. So I had a snooze to relax... ...also cause I hadn't been sleeping well all week and was really tired, also probably the reason for the short fuse. When I got up and sent a message to my friend who I had invited to come with me after hearing our church wasn't having an evening service, but she had changed her mind and was staying home. So a little voice was like, well, why don't you stay home too and watch TV.....but another voice said go. So I did.

I walked into the church and, being Baptist, sat near the back and avoided all communications and hoped no one would sit next to me... ...I'm strange I know. The worship was great, a few songs I didn't know, but two of my favourite songs were played and I just really felt lifted already. Then the youth pastor preached on PEACE and PATIENCE. Honestly, I don't remember the last time I've cried because of feeling "convicted" by a sermon. I had known during the week that I was feeling "broken" inside but couldn't put a finger on what was causing us. As the preacher spoke, so many things came to mind and by the end I was crying and thinking to myself, "Boy am I glad no one here knows me." I sat for a while in my seat praying while the worship group finished and people left when I saw a friend. She was busy praying with the youth pastor so I waited as I wanted to greet her. It's amazing sometimes how God works cause even though we "know" each other, we don't "know" each other....and the two of us sat their crying for a while. Neither of us know what the other is going through, but it was just nice to be there for one another....and I needed her cause she sure cheered me up after our short crying session.

As I drove home feeling way better than I had all week, I realised that, even though my reasons in the past were stupid, it was God's timing that He wanted me to be there tonight. It really was a sermon I needed to hear, to realise that I am broken inside and need peace, with God, with myself and with others around me... ...and all three of those have been lacking in the past week...if not more. So I'm glad I went and have intentions of going again... ...also cause they have good coffee!!! :o)

Blessings folks!

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to all the mom's out there. This is a poem I wrote for my mom.

A Wonderful Mother

by Jacky Robus

I thank the Lord for my wonderful mother,

who is so gentle and yet so strong.

I thank the Lord for my wonderful mother,

who loves me all life long.

She's there to pick you up when you fall down,

and to hold you tight when things go wrong.

Even though you've caused her to frown,

she'll continue to love you and be there for you.

Her arms are always open when you need a hug,

and she'll listen to the things you say.

She'll give you words of guidance when you ask,

and speak words of wisdom when you don't.

Thank you mom for your unconditional love,

for being there for me, through thick and thin.

I love you more than any other,

Lord I thank you for my wonderful mother.

On the outside looking in....

Sometimes it's something small and simple that can make you realise you're actually not okay. It's been a week of many thoughts, frustrations and boiling points....yet today, something small and, dare I say it, stupid, has me broken and upset tonight. It probably comes from the build up of things over the week....but anyway, yeah, sometimes I guess we're not always okay. This probably makes no sense to you...and I'm putting it here because: Be aware of those around you and how you treat them. Plain and simple and I hope that I will learn something from my own pain.

PAIN BEING ON THE OUTSIDE.

by Jacky Robus

Standing on the outside.

I'm looking in.

The rain is falling on my face.

Hiding the broken tears within.

Watching the people.

Watching what they do.

Clearly they do can not see.

They can not see what it's doing to me.

I want to cry out for help but I'm too small.

I want to speak but have no voice.

I press my face up against the glass.

So near, yet so far.

Years pass on by.

Time changes some things.

But some things don't simply change.

I'm still on the outside looking in.

It hurts now like it did then.

It hurts even more.

Yet you will never understand,

The pain standing on the outside looking in.